please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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