Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
