How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
