Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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