If i come over, it means nothing
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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