that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
