When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
