This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
