he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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