i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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