so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
