In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
