Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
