The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
