I'm eating all of the evidence.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
