You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
