I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
