i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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