Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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