so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
