What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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