My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Damn victory sex feels great
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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