my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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