There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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