OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
