omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
