I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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