JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
