you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
