So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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