Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
