Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
