i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
