If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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