There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
