Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Terrible idea I love it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
