yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
