i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
