Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
