I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
