I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i believe in u and ur pee
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
