i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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