you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
