yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
pop tarts are not kleenex
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
