My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
