Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
