I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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