i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He better not be in your backpack
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
