can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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