I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
