I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
