That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
